the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize