i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
