Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
