Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
