There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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