I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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