i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
