I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
