Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
