nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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