She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
