There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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