The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
