they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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