32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i came on her dog
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Drunk is not a location!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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