come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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