You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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