Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
