Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
