God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
