i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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