Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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