It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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