You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
