This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
