so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
