i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
