I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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