I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
