Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
