Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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