He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
