drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
