is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
