He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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