no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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