I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
