I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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