after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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