I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
