Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
