I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
