he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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