My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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