Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
