What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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