1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
