I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
