What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
