How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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