Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
