I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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