you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
