I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
