Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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