my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
