Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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