I think I won the penis lottery.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Are we still banned from the library?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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