Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
