and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Im part way to drunk.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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