what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
