So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
