Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize