I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
