all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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