i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
