apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
