If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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